BERNing Down America

BERNing Down America


Did you watch our six-part series
on Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez’s “Green New Deal?” Well, Bernie
Sanders believes AOC wasn’t radical enough. The socialist senator
is talking less like a presidential candidate than he is a religious
prophet. His plans don’t just defy the laws of economics and energy.
Green New Bernie’s plan defies reality itself. Bernie’s to-do list
on energy is so disconnected from the real world we would need
20 videos to explain how nonsensical it is. Nobody has time
for that, and believe me, Bernie’s commandments don’t deserve it.
Therefore, we’ll just give you the low lights. As we all know,
Bernie hates fossil fuels, so he says he would ban hydraulic fracturing,
offshore drilling, and drilling on public lands. In his paradise, Bernie imagines
that we put 15 million people out of work and teach them how to do
other things. What other things? Who knows? In Bernie’s land of Eden
critical details are just an annoyance to be ignored. This part of Bernie’s
plan alone would be enough to plunge the U.S. into a deep depression,
but he hasn’t even warmed up yet. Bernie says he would raise taxes on
what he calls “corporate polluters.” In Bernie’s nirvana that’s any
corporation that produces… well… anything because all manufacturing
generates waste as well as carbon dioxide emissions. That means
utilities that provide your electricity are in his sights as
well. Bernie says he will heavily tax companies who invest in oil, natural
gas and coal, and he will use federal power to investigate fossil
fuel companies and punish them for the sin of providing us with the
energy we need. Sanders promises to sanction any corporation that
violates our domestic climate goals. What are these goals and how do we
agree on them? Don’t worry, Bernie will give us his commandment
from on high. I promise you… I’m not making this stuff up.
Bernie seems to believe that the American President is an all-powerful
king who can just demand his subjects do whatever he tells them to do.
As somebody who has spent his entire life in politics, and never
had a real job, you would think he would know how a democratic
republic actually works. But, apparently not. Sanders says he
would set up a federal electricity market. Basically, that means he wants
to nationalize the electric grid. The socialist senator claims that
under his new system electricity would be virtually free by 2035.
Among other realities, Bernie overlooks the fact that wind turbines and
solar panels must be replaced every 20 to 30 years. Like all socialists
who live in capitalist countries, Bernie must imagine that there is
some bottomless pot of money out there that is NOT filled with
taxpayer or consumer dollars. And there’s even more money to be
taken from greedy corporations and wealthy people. In Bernie Land
these successful people and companies will suffer his wrath, but destroying
them won’t harm the economy a bit. I’ve saved the worst one for last.
Bernie’s plan calls for a ban on the import and export of fossil fuels.
So, as he crushes oil, gas, and coal companies in America, we won’t be
able to bring in fuel sources from abroad. Somehow, we’ll figure out
ways to defy the laws of physics while we invent new ways to
do… nearly everything. Bernie has convinced his supporters he can
make money appear out of thin air, so why not energy as well?
It’ll be great. Free stuff and green energy for all. Nirvana
is just around the corner. For the Clear Energy Alliance,
I’m Mark Mathis. Power On.

13 thoughts on “BERNing Down America

  1. And you know who pays for all of this (including Corporate punishments) ? You do. Of course, good luck with that after we've all lost our jobs and the stock market has tanked like it's 1929.

  2. I can't believe Bernie is actually that stupid or believes his own B.S. I think he's just waiting for another payoff to go away.

  3. It sounds like Bernie could save the planet. He SHOULD do this. He SHOULD start w/those terrible places where this is the worst.
    …. You should probably learn some Chinese, Bernie.

  4. Bernie has never worked in the private sector and has no experience with practical macro economics. When Bernie wasn't working in politics, he was on welfare. Bernie is a blood sucking leech and a carbuncle on the derriere of humanity

  5. Sanders is a true devout Marxist in private and a ""democratic socialist" in public. Such people are easy to find on any college campus. They never had a real job either.

  6. Bernie is so jealous of the rich people this is why he wants to take the money from rich. He can take it from the Hollywood and I don't mind.

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  8. As a foreigner:
    American people: We want change!
    Presidential candidate: I'm offering change
    American people: AHHHH COMMUNIST cries

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